Israel's government has threatened to take "fierce and disproportionate" action after a group of Palestinians have taken to defacing the wall separating Israel from Palestinian territority.

"This group is funded by foreign anti-Israeli interests who have no wish to see peace in the region," said Israeli foreign minister Tzipi Livni in a tersely worded statement today. "How long can we stand by while these animals and their supporters overseas threaten the State of Israel?"

Livni was responding to reports that a group of West Bank Palestinian graffiti artists is offering to spray-paint personal messages for pay on the security wall in the West Bank.

"Graffiti is not art, and these paint cans and messages are a clear provocation against all those who love peace. We can not, and will not tolerate these actions," added Livni.

"It is clear that the terrorist state of Iran is behind these new graffiti initiatives, and we will not hesitate to punish all those who support terrorists activities against Israel," he said.

But Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad denied any involvement by his country.

 "Death to the Zionist oppressor. We will turn our nuclear weapons of peace into a deadly rain of punishment if they come to attack us. Just watch." he said.

Contacted at a Wal-Mart near his home in Texas, former US president George W Bush had an equally bleak message when informed about the graffiti.

"When we allow terrorists to take these spray cans and paint walls instead of houses, this is obviously the kind of thing that my administration when I was president, you know, we would not have allowed to just go on. And I think that Israel must do whatever it takes to prevent this kind of action from going on. It's just the American way."

There have been reports of Israeli troops massing near the West Bank, and as helicopter gunships loitered ominously overhead ordinary Palestinians fear that a fragile ceasefire holding between the two groups is in jeopardy.

"What will we do when the Israeli helicopters come and murder our children?" asked one woman?

"Yes it's true that this graffiti, I don't really care for it, it looks disgusting and makes the place look like a slum. But now the Zionists will come and kill us and nobody in the West will pay any attention. God will punish them."

The Palestinian graffiti provocateurs have set up a website at www.sendamessage.nl, and there are reports that the web server logs show the IP addresses of several computers located on networks known to be operated by the feared and respected Israeli secret police, the Mossad.

The White House had no comment today as US President Barack Hussein Obama and his family and staff were busy inside laughing it up with musician Stevie Wonder.

there are actually just two kinds of people in the world. there are those who can draw and know it, and there are those who can't draw and don't know it. members of the first group eventually move on to the second grade and go on to make better things happen for themselves.

the others go on to be cartoon illustrators at crappy newspapers.

sometimes a poorly drawn cartoon in some crappy newspaper draws attention from all the wrong kinds of people.

for instance, you might draw something depicting the prophet muhammad doing something unislamic. this will always draw you the wrong kinds of attention from all the wrong kinds of people.

but most newspaper cartoonists are too stupid to realize this, because they have even less intelligence and wit than the average chimpanzee. and also, they're paid to keep the paper's audited circulation numbers looking healthy. and so they keep drawing things that draw adverse attention.

every so often, while in the pursuit of the almighty dollar a newspaper cartoonist draws something truly horrible.

this can lead to the kind of adverse attention that focuses on poor rendering and inept use of shadow and perspective. this kind of attention mostly comes from university art professors, themselves failed cartoonists.

but more often the attention is focused on what the cartoonist said, or what other people thought the cartoonist said. and sometimes this attention becomes apparent in the form of demonstrators shouting slogans and advocating the beheading of the cartoonist and their supervisors.

when demonstrators arrive outside the front door of the newspaper, the security guards become more alert, and their boss duly writes a memo. the memo usually draws attention from the boss of the newspaper, which is the worst kind of attention a newspaper can get.

the boss of the newspaper is usually too busy gambling with the other prisoners to actually get on the lear jet and come see the cartoonist in person. so first they send the cartoonist's editor to issue a press release.

the press release is actually just a standard form the newspaper's lawyers keep in the articling student's desk. it usually says that the freedom of the press is sacred, and that only small minded men with small penises and the fat women who love them would ever pay attention to what newspaper cartoonist draw.

but having said that, the press release usually makes it clear that the cartoonist is not about to be fired.

in particularly egregious cases though, the press release fails to impress and so the newspaper editor is drawn out into the open. the warden of the prison will soon easily be bought off, and the lear jet can easily be brought round and the newspaper boss will shortly be arriving at the airport. this presents a golden opportunity to clear up the situation once and for all.
 
with the use of a large calibre rifle with a bipod mount, a well paid, motivated marine can easily shoot the newspaper boss through the head from well beyond the airport perimeter fence.

perhaps the kill can even be made from as far back as the airport hotel row. then they have to find someone else to write the cartoonist's pay check.
 
if a shot to the head on the airport tarmac is going to be a problem, your best bet would then be to steal a motorcycle and use it to follow the limousine to the newspaper's offices.

the boss will usually be driven straight there, and so you have a good opportunity to shoot them through the head when the driver opens the door, and again when while the driver gets the newspaper bosses' walker from the limo's trunk.

 if either of these situations is unpalatable for whatever reason, the only remaining alternative is to mortar the newspaper from the parking lot. mortaring is a weapon of statistical attrition, so you might want to bring a few of them just to make sure.

if you're planning to do any of this, go big or go home. start at a really crappy newspaper, maybe something like the new york post or the wall street journal. then move on up the line from there.

lest there be any mistake, what i have proposed in this satirical piece is not anything i would actually suggest anyone should do. mostly though, if anythiing i have said offends you, you can pucker right up and just kiss my black ass.

Remember the three capitalized letters, WMD? They used to stand for the words Weapons of Mass Destruction. Nobody uses the term anymore, but those three letters were all over the news when the George Bush presidency was trying to capitalize on the fear of Americans still reeling from the September 11 attacks.

That fear gave the Bush regime a moral mandate to launch the second American war against Iraq in 2003, thus cementing modern disaster in Mesopotamia and setting the stage for a historic comeuppance against Republican ideals in America.

Even as early as 2005, former US Secretary of State Colin Powell, the man tasked with characterizing the WMD threat for the world, was already admitting publicly that this period of his career stood as a blot on his record. Mr Powell's then admission marked a stunning retreat from the Bush regime's assertion that Iraq not only possessed weapons of mass destruction, but maintained a state of readiness to use them within a 45 minute timeframe. 

As it turned out, the invading American led forces found no WMD program in Iraq. In the recriminations that followed, it became clear that the evidence touted as the reason for invading Iraq had been entirely fabricated by elements of the US administration, up to and including the then Commander in Chief, George W Bush.

And so, some would say by the will of Allah, victory for freedom Iraq became the mother of all American military quagmires as thousands of well motivated insurgents made it their duty to send all the Americans home, one body bag at a time.

By September of 2008, the voting public in the United States had also decided that the reign of error in American politics had to come to an end. They pinned their hopes on the most unlikely seeming candate possible, a black man with a Muslim sounding name. The WMD debacle became the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back.
 
 Barak Hussein Obama's election can therefore be read as a repudiation of decades of mean spirited public policy in the United States. These policies have consistently punished the weak and increased suffering in the United States and abroad. The recent epoch in American life has seen the country reviled as a rogue nation, it's leadership openly ridiculed by even friendly governments, its people singled out for terroristic attack at every turn.

In this atmosphere, a black man has become America's golden child.

But this alone will not be enough to lead the United States out of its dark ages. There's already plenty of well publicized evidence to suggest that any informed observer should have been able to comfortably predict that Saddam Hussein's regime did not possess the means to attack far away countries with WMDs.

And the President of the United States is nothing if not an informed observer.

And so if there were no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, then the people of Iraq are being made to suffer for some other reason. What could this other reason be?

The task of finding the answer to this question may well fall under many jurisdictions both within the United States and without. These include the FBI, US Congressional review, and the World Court.

The point of any legal post mortem of the Bush legacy would be to assure the world that America recognizes its uniqe place in the world. It  has become a nation so powerful that it cannot be sanctioned by other nations. And therefore its people and leaders must maintain strong institutions for policing themselves on the world stage.

Barak Obama's presidency must not squander the opportunity to reaffirm the values of the American Constitution. The leaders of all nations must be held accountable for the actions they initiate. America can be no different. And where those actions abridge freedom and cause egregious harm, then special care must be taken to ensure that the guilty are found out and punished.

It's the American way.

i hearby swear this to be a true account, so help me god.

on tuesday 20 january 2009, i was assigned to observe the suspect. i relieved captain pussy who was the night undercover operative on this assignment.

at approx. 09:00hrs the suspect exited the house on blair and entered a black automobile in company of an unknown black female.

several males driving black sport utility vehicles formed up with the suspect vechicle and the entire convoy proceded down blair to a place of worship.

suspect loitered in the vicicinty of the church for approx. 30 minutes before proceding down penn ave. to 1600. suspect met with an older white male with a military stature and guilty disposition in this operators's opinion.

10:00 hrs suspect presents himself at the us capitol where he joins a public gathering of some kind. suspect encounters several white males on dias and appears to signal his peaceful intentions with a raised hand.

background checks will have to be made on other subjects present at this meeting. despite the public location the suspect and his associates quite brazenly gathered in plain view of thousands of citizens evidently waiting for some public event.

11:30 hrs suspect again meets with several males, some of whom appear to be religious clerics of some type. the suspect is clearly undergoing some sort of initiation into his gang culture. it's shocking to see these men of the cloth here consorting with this man and his nefarious associates.

the black female is close by his side. she must be considered to be party to whatever conspiracies and acts are conducted by this evident criminal enterprise.

14:30 hrs suspect parades down penn ave to a large residence at 1600 that has obviously been just bequeathed to him. with all due respect to his race, no honest black male could ever acquire enough wealth in america to acquire a home like that. likewise with the vehicle the suspect has been driving today.

all signs point to some kind of gangland takeover in washington. judging from the white male associates, this operator would have to say that a new jamaican gang has been ceded control of the irish washington underworld's assets, including vehicles, residences, enormous amounts or crystal, furniture and presumably hip hop mp3s.

more to come.

In Madoff Scandal, Jews Feel an Acute Betrayal - NYTimes.com

There are people who make a media based living by claiming that Jews control the media and the world banking system. These people (who shall remain nameless here) and their ideas have so much traction in the public mind that I can read all about their work in the New York Times, along with all the rest of the news that's fit to print.

This alleged vast Jewish conspiracy has so much traction in public discourse that a major US national daily can find Jewish commentators of every stripe who feel compelled to quote scripture and bear witness to a sort of collective shame to be Jewish.

Why all this recent fuss in the media? Because a Jewish banker turned out to be a fraud.

Jews who assume a mantle of guilt and shame because of Bernard Madoff's fiduciary sins, are laying claim to a sad history on several fronts. Mainly, they are suggesting that as Jews, they bear part of the shame of Madoff's actions, because he is Jewish.

Anti-Semites who confer the mantle of guilt and shame upon all Jews because of Bernard Madoff's fiduciary sins, are also laying claim to a sad history. In the present and recent past, this principle of collective guilt has been extended to the principle of collective punishment.

But, we live in a period of history that has outlawed collective punishment, through the dictums of the Geneva Conventions.

Therefore the casual observer may legitimately wonder about a situation that pits Jews and anti-Semites not against each other, but allies them in a holy confederacy against common sense and naked self-interest.

It's hard to find evidence that people who check the box labelled White on their census forms feel any form of collective guilt if one of their fellows say, fakes evidence of an offensive military first strike capability by say, Saddam Hussein, and then uses this faked evidence to engineer the wholesale theft of the resources of say, Iraq.

But it's easy to find evidence that people who check the box labelled Black on their census forms feel a momentary tinge of panic when the newsflash about the latest violent escaped felon carries the addendum, the suspect is black, male, considered armed and dangerous.

And the New York Times has ably demonstrated that it's easy to find Jews who feel that sting when one of their fellows from the international banking system robs the place blind.

We'll leave these companion assertions to further debate later, but for now we can say that it seems that the public is afraid to be tarred with the same brush as someone who commits a shameful act.

Given the history of collective punishment, there's a good reason for this.

In the near future, this situation may begin to unravel like a DNA strand on a criminalist's work desk.

In the increasingly brown world, how will we measure group membership when the group's members are hard to identify? The current President Elect of the United States of America is generally seen as Black. But only one of his parents is directly descended from Africans.

If Barak Hussein Obama is photographed smoking crack cocaine behind the White House toolshed, who if anyone, should feel the most shame?

If Barak Hussein Obama is ever accused and found guilty of confining and raping one Jewish White and one Muslim Black woman in the aft washrooms of Air Force One, who will bear the brunt of any collective punishment?

Tags: BarakObama, Bernard Madoff, fraud, crack coaine, conspiracy